Beer, Bacon, Bourbon and God

“If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting for dinner.” —Jack Handy, Saturday Night Live

If God lives inside me let’s just say I hope he likes beer. And bacon. And bourbon. Of course, it’s possible what I consider a fondness for beer may in fact be a case of God pulling my strings. That’s it… God makes me crave delicious dry hop Northwest IPAs and craft bourbons! Or maybe Hopworks spikes their beer with crack and God is really a crackhead. Either way…I WIN!

Speaking of Bacon
Organized a dirty ride this past Sunday Surveyor’s Ridge… 25ish miles, 4500 feet of climbing and amazing views of Mt Hood. It was not an epic for the dudes I went riding with, but epic enough for me. The reason it is epic for me is because it turns out that while I can now ride my bike uphill without falling over, and I can ride over rocky, rooty terrain, and I can have an asthmatic wheezefest moment, I cannot do all three at once.

The guys were kind and patient. About 4 miles into the climb we ducked out onto the road to cover more miles with less slightly suffering. We took the road out to the southern trailhead and rode singletrack all the way back. Definitely a much easier to ride south to north. Next time I will do the whole thing that way, keeping to the singletrack in both directions.

After our ride we stopped off at Full Sail for beers and food. After studying the menus for interminably long, hypoglycemic minutes, and having that weird, somewhat pointless “What are you gonna get?” conversation that inevitably arises, we summoned the waitress.

Ladies first.

UMA: I’ll have an IPA and a classic cheeseburger with bacon, no mayo.
JOE: IPA and a cheeseburger with bacon, no mayo.
SCOTT: IPA please, and yeah… I’ll have a cheeseburger with bacon, hold the mayo.
BRIAN: I’ll have an IPA and a tempeh burger… with bacon.


There was the slightest pause, just a beat… No one said a word, before we all burst into laughter, our waitress heartily joining in. It could have been one of those “ya had to be there” moments. But c’mon. A vegan burger with bacon?

If God really does live inside us he may want to get his cholesterol tested. Then again, a couple of beers a day reduces LDL cholesterol, so I’m thinking he’s all good.



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