In August, 2006 I was riding my brand new road racing bike home from the local bike shop. I was riding in the bike lane, or what I commonly refer to as “the cloaking device”. My observation is that cyclists in the bike lane are invisible to automobile drivers. “I didn’t see them” is the number one excuse offered in car-meets-bike accidents.
I was right-hooked by a ginormous Ford f450. It all happened in a surreal flash and I don’t remember very clear details about it. I sustained “minor injuries” and a suspected “mild concussion” which worsened a bit over the followings days. But what really became apparent the next time I tried to ride was that my hip didn’t seem to work properly. It didn’t seem terribly bad, it just wasn’t good. It didn’t work the same and it hurt. Alot. I lightened my race schedule, but kept training and racing.
Resting didn’t help. Physical therapy didn’t help. Surgical risks outweighed the potential benefits. For two and a half years I struggled with almost daily pain that worsened whenever I sat or rode. My yoga practice changed utterly. I adapted, but I hurt. Alot. Most of the time.
When it became clear I needed a way of dealing with what seemed likely to be a permanent (though mild) disability I gave the hip a name: Janky. Janky is pretty much the boss of me anymore. What she says goes. If I want to race, Janky says which races. Janky pretty much HATES the road bike anymore, but seems happy enough mountain biking. I started mountain biking at the tender youthful age of 41 because Janky told me to, and since I listened to her (finally) and traded the road bikes for mountain bikes I have far less pain, and way more fun. Alot.
Janky has a message for you too.
She says: Whatever your perceived limitations, whatever handicaps threaten your enjoyment in life, whatever pain holds you back or brings you down… There is a way back to joy. Find it. Look everywhere. You may return to the old joy or find a new one, but never give up until your soul sings again. Alot.
And to you Molly. There are times when I lose the faith that I can remain happy despite having significant parts of my life altered, but then I get comments like yours and I feel am reminded that the center is still there, that it holds and that there are no empty moments. Connection and spirit is where you find it. We would all do well to look for these things, everywhere. Thanks for writing. Be happy!
Just found your blog – I love it! I am laughing/almost crying about Janky! I am a lifelong equestrian and I too have a Janky. Mine is a repetitive injury, not due to an accident, but it has significantly changed how I have to approach my sport – from the type of riding I do to level of competition. I find great wisdom in your words about finding your way back to the joy. I think I am on the way back, and your words are an affirmation. Blessings to you