Yup. Still riding. Sort of.

I’ve been busy. Working too much. Starting up the bike yoga classes, teaching teachers, doing yoga psychology workshops… Not much time to ride. But I’m still getting out a couple times a week, and Haven’t missed a Sunday in Church of Bike yet, despite my heathen ways and flagging spirits.

This weekend hit a new trail: Falls Creek in Southwest Washington, near Carson, with these guys

Chainsaw and Prause

Did a little of this on some fine, fine trails

...and the light came streaming through the temple

But Janky Hip was unhappy. About 4 miles in (climbing, of course) I got tired of dealing with the pain again, so I bailed, told the guys to go on and I went back to the parking lot to do some yoga. SMART! Janky was very happy to be done riding, and the yoga, though rudimentary felt fine. I’m playing with some video clips to add to my website, and had my digital camera, so I let it run while I did a bit of practice. This, my friends, would be the warmup.

I’m fortunate to have the skill and tools to deal with Janky, but it’s still incredibly frustrating and sometimes downright depressing. I sometimes wonder if I will have to give up the work I love so well, because I will get tired of hurting so much of the time. I have already changed my practice and teaching to a fairly rudimentary level to accommodate my own body’s limitations, and as such I am still an effective teacher. But I have had to relinquish any dreams of advancing my own practice–on the physical level. For me the physical practice of yoga asana has always been to create support, strength and flexibility needed to sit for extended periods, to be in seated meditation comfortably. Those days seem to be over. My week at Breitenbush was wonderful in terms of my work and what we accomplished, but Janky complained bitterly, despite several massages. Often friends tease that I get too much body work. “Rough life” they say. What they don’t know, is it’s never a “feel good luxury”. This is the only way I can get through the days sometimes. It helps. It never eradicates the pain, but it does ease it a little. Trust me… I’d happily exchange my frequent massages for a healthy, normal hip and pelvis again and be able to practice and ride like I used to. Or just sit through dinner or a movie without squirming all over like a 5 year old with ADD!

Last year when I taught at Breitenbush a wise man on the trail said to me: Do what you love for people who love what you do. I fear, sometimes I may need to find something new to love, to do, because Janky won’t ever get better and I’ll get tired of the pain and finally succumb. I’m holding out until the last possible moment, and just doing what I can do. Since I started yoga I knew it was my dharma, my calling. Giving up road racing and running is one thing, but giving up this love of mine?

Let’s think happy thoughts shall we?

Hafiz has something to add:

Ever since happiness heard your name
It has been running through the streets
Trying to find you.

And several times in the last week,
God Himself has even come to my door-
Asking me for your address!

Once I said,
“God,
I thought You knew everything.
Why are You asking me
Where Your lovers live?”

And the Beloved replied,
Indeed, Hafiz, I do know everything –
But it is fun playing dumb once in a while.
And I love intimate chat
And the warmth of your heart’s fire.

Maybe we should make this poem into a song-
I think it has potential!

How far does this refrain sound,
For I know it is a truth:

Ever since happiness heard your name,
It has been running through the streets
Trying to find you.
And several times in the last week,
God Himself has come to my door-
So sweetly asking for your address,
Wanting the beautiful warmth of your heart’s fire.

Word.