Once upon a time in a New York City far, far away I was a bike messenger. I rode a red and yellow Huffy MTB that weighed probably 45 pounds. I am not lying. I could not make this shit up. Who would? Anyway, this bike rode like a Sherman tank. It was not fast, it was certainly not cool. If anything, I was the dorkiest bike messenger in town. Which suited me fine. My first week of work the bike gets stolen. I’m thinking… Who the f*ck would steal a Huffy? My BF at the time who was a dedicated hard-core roadie couldn’t have been more thrilled. He took this opportunity to hook me up with a Trek 400 touring bike. The bike handled so very differently. I ended up crashing on my first day on the new bike… Something about one of those metal plates I hopped and hit some oil coming down. So my first week as a courier I get my bike stolen and come limping back to dispatch bleeding from my elbows and shins… The nickname “Crash” started making the rounds pretty quickly. I thought it was cool at first… I had a nickname, who cares that it was cursed.
I’ve done my fair share of crashing since then, but I’ve decided that a new nickname is in order. Henceforth, thou shalt refer to me only by the nickname “Lucky”. I know it is uncool to give yourself a nickname, but whatever. I’m over it and so should you be. And if it really bothers you, well… I can give you a nickname too. In fact, come to think of it, I nickname everyone pretty much, at least in my mind, much like Doctor Cox refers to everyone in girl’s names on Scrubs (only I don’t limit myself like that).
I think nicknames are useful tools for enlightened living, really. In fact, I think we should all have several. Kind of how the Hindus have many names for the same god/goddess. Nicknames acknowledge our fluctuations, our impermanence, the fact that we all wear so many identities. Some nicknames I’ve given to others: Chainsaw. Crash. Mr. Enigma. SuperG. Madame. Bootsy. Dr. Evil. Frisky. Stumpy. Moe. Freaky. I won’t say what the other nicknames I’ve worn are. That’s like Superman giving Kryptonite to Lex Luthor.
As for Crash, I’m passing the baton to this girl:
Wussup, Sexy?!?
